We see throughout Jewish history that great biblical figures were born into marriages that came about through love at first sight.
The following are couples for whom the Torah uses the word Ahava – love, to describe their relationship. In each case, the Torah points out that the man married the woman because he was in love with her, and the result was that their love produced a child of greatness and power.
Yakov Avinu fell in love with Rachel PUSIK, and they had Yosef, who was the favorite child, and he was the most powerful of all when he became king of Egypt. They also had Binyamin in whose territory Hashem built the beis hamikdash PUSIK.
Dovid Hamelech fell in love with at Bat Sheva PUSIK, She was the most beloved of all his wives. They had Shloime who Hashem chose over all other of his sons to become the king after his father PUSIK.
Elkuna was in love with Channa, PUSIK they had Shmiel who became a great navi in Klal Yisroel who oversaw King Shaul and Kind David.
Achashvarosh had the opportunity to marry any girl in the word. All girls passed before him. When he spotted Ester, it was love at first sight and he married her PUSIK. They had a son named Koresh who allowed the Jews to rebuild the beis hasmikdash and gave supplies.
The Torah is our roadmap on how to live everyday life.
The Torah gives us instructions and guidance for every step in our lives, and shows us how our forefathers lived, so we learn from them what to do and what to avoid.
The Torah direct us on how to look for a spouse and how to have a successful marriage and great children. The Mishna instructs us on how to go about finding a spouse, the Torah way, which is precisely to fall in love at first sight. See the end of Meches Tannis.
Judaism is all about peace and love in the home between the husband and wife.
At the wedding under the chuppa we read the Kesuba which is the marriage contract stating what the husband and wife each agree to contribute to the marriage. In addition, the Kesuba is a prenup in case that the husband and wife fall out of love, at which point the Torah commands them to divorce. It is one of the 613 mitzvos for a couple to get a divorce if they no longer like each other PUSIK.
When a couple is in love and share love and intimacy, the Schina is in their home. This brings blessings into the home PUSIK Yakov Reuven Bilhu.
After the death of his beloved wife Rachel, Yakov wanted to sleep in the home of Rachel’s maid Bilah. However, Reuven felt it was unfair that his father moves in with the Rachle’s maid rather her sister, his mother, Leah. Ruevan took the initiative and moved Yakov’s bed to Leah’s home, it was considered a grave sin, and he was rebuked by Yakov as Hashem left Yakov’s bedroom PUSIK.
Bilam said that the Schina is with a couple in their room when they are intimate PUSIK.
A couple must know that when they are happy and loving towards one another and share intimacy, the schina comes into their home. The more they are together when permitted, the more kedusha their actions bring into their home. This kedusha brings blessings and spirituality, peace and happiness in the home and effects the children’s spiritual and emotional growth.
When a couple fights and/or don’t spend lots of intimate time together, they are pushing the schina out of their home, and it will reflect negatively on their children.
Working with Off the Derech children, I found one common thing, all of them have in common that their parents did not have a good marriage. Despite parents being loving and very caring towards their children, kids from such homes, felt unstable and unhappy and are very often unsure why, the reason may very well be the lack of the presence of the Schina in their home.
If you feel that you are in a marriage that is lacking focus on intimacy, first do so for the sake of bringing the schina and kedusha into your home. Make that time very special and as often as permitted. Never use intimacy as a weapon against your spouse. At that time, keep praying, ask Hashem to help you grow closer and more connected to your spouse and for the kedusha of these loving actions to fill your home, head and hearts of your children.
In many Jewish homes, every Friday night, the husband praises his wife with a special song in the presence of the 2 Holy angles who walk home with him after prayer services (Mesches Shabbos).
In the song of Aishes Chayil he says the words:
בטח בה לב בעלה, ושלל לא יחסר. גמלתהו טוב ולא רע, כל ימי חייה.
Her husband puts his confidence in her, And lacks no good thing. She is good to him, never bad, All the days of her life.
In Aishes chayil we talk about the confidence that a husband has in his wife that she will love and care for him all days of his life.
There is no mention of the same for her children. The husband and wife are the foundation of the home. We see in Aishes Chayil that the husband must be the wife’s #1 in every aspect of their life.
Even if the couple is going through hardships, the husband still must be able to feel secure, and know that he can put his confidence in his wife that he will not lack anything including her love, caring and her full support.
If the foundation of their family is strong and the husband and wife feel secure with one another, then their children will feel secure and taken care of. However, if the father’s confidence in his wife is lacking and broken, so too her children will be broken and insecure.
