After the passing of the great, warm loving and compassionate Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky, on October 15, 2011, at age 79, her children gave an interview about her greatness.
When reading what they said about their mother, I was expecting to hear them speak about her תפילה (prayers) as we know she spent many hours davening and saying Tehillim.
I thought maybe they were going to praise the amount of chessed she has done for others, as she is well-known for having had an open home. Droves of people came to her home every day for her listening ear, to share their pain and get her encouragement and blessings.
However, the above was not what they mentioned at all.
They said that the greatness of their mother was that “she woke up at 6:00 a.m. together with her husband Rav CHaim Kanievsky and made him a cup of coffee.”
My first reaction was WHAT?! Of all her spiritual accomplishments, of all the things she did as a mother to raise her children, all the acts of kindness they saw her doing for others, and all her prayers, the one thing that stood out most of all to her daughters was that she woke up early to make a cup of coffee for her husband?
I thought, well I get up at 5:00 a.m. as that is when my husband starts his day and I make him a hot cup of coffee as well. Am I attaining some level of spiritual greatness as Rebbetzin Kanievsky?!
Then it hit me, YES! Wow, how true this is:
- When a couple has a good marriage, the שכינה (God’s presence) is in their home, brining in a lot of blessing to all.
- Children from a home of a good marriage, grow up happy and healthy (they feel the spiritual presence of God’s presence in the home).
- Children love both parents, and they want nothing more than to have both parents respect one another.
- This is a hidden act of greatness seen only by those who should matter the most in your lives, Hashem, your husband and yes, your children (who see or hear it from their beds too).
They said that early morning Rabbi and Rebbetzin Kanievsky shared a bit of special time together before he went out for the long day to learn and spread Torah. This bonding time with his wife gave their great father the strength to do his holy work all day long, they said.
By getting up early morning together with her husband, making him a warm cup of coffee with all her love, and sending him off with a smile, the Rebbetzin showed her husband and children that she was at her husband’s side and supporting him in all his endeavors.
This is something that should give us all chizuk (Chizuk means emotional or spiritual support or encouragement) as this is a greatness that we can all attain.
Not everyone can open their home to the brokenhearted, and not everyone can pray for many hours.
However, every married woman CAN wake up the same time as her husband, make him a warm cup of coffee the way he likes it (it may take a few tries as you learn exactly how he likes it, but it’s well worth it). Keep him company while he gets ready for his long day. Speak words of love and comfort. Your support will make his day sweeter and take him through the hardships that he may face during the day.
Be sure to give your spouse the love in language which your spouse understands, not the way you believe the language of love should be spoken to your spouse, as explained here and here.
Think about it. Would you like to get up alone early morning when it is still dark outside and quiet inside to get ready to go out for a long day to support your family? It’s hard, but men do it all the time.
Get inspired by Rebbetzin Kanievsky. Your time, presence and smile is the greatest gift you can give your husband and children. Maybe when doing so, your children, like Rebbetzin Kanievsky’s children, will find this your greatest praiseworthy deed of all.
Updated: HaRav Chaim Kanievsky passed away at his home in Bnei Brak on March 18, 2022, it was on Friday Shushan Purim, at the age of 94. At the Levaya on March 20th 2022, Once again we heard from his children, this time his sons.
When eulogizing his father, Rabbi Shlomo Kanievsky said that his father came home for lunch every day at about 1:30 p.m. If lunch was completely ready, he would sit down to eat together with his wife. However, if his wife needed to finish up some of the food that needed to be freshly made, he learned Torah, until his wife was ready to sit down and eat together with him. “He would never eat without our mother,” said Rabbi Shlomo.
How powerful, again we see that the children absorbed the respect between their parents and this is what they felt was one of the most important messages to share with all who attended the funeral. Their respect for one another was so strong, and this is what gave their children, a happy home, a sense of security and happiness.
This is also something that should give you a lot of comfort knowing that no matter what the situation you are in, you too can give respect to your spouse and (if not yet established) the respect towards you will be reciprocated with time, love and patience. Respecting your spouse is the biggest gift you can give yourself, your marriage and to your children.
