Every parent strives to give their children the best and happiest childhood experiences. The reality of life is that we cannot follow our children around to help them avoid all unpleasant experiences. Our job as parents is to be their guides, leaders and teachers, to teach them resilience and how to cope with difficulties so they can become strong, God-fearing, independent people.
Of course, the main thing is a lot of siyta dishmaya and tfillot in addition to them having DNA and natures passed down from a wonderful yichus especially from of our forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov.
When it comes to our part in hishtadlut and parenting, I think the success of a child lies within them being well-fed with healthy food and well-rested by going to sleep early and getting enough sleep.
In order for a person’s brain to work well and for them to function at their optimal potential, we must eat well and be well-rested. Think about yourself, when you go to sleep late, how do you feel the next morning? Usually tired and not in the mood to cook or clean etc. Now think about your child, when your child goes to sleep late, they still have to get up on time for school or yeshiva, otherwise, they miss a lot of classes, and as a result they can fall behind on their education and suffer socially. They may not have the time or appetite to eat breakfast, they rush to school, and by the time they get to class, they are hungry, exhausted and ready for a nap.
Under such conditions, the child’s brain will not work at its optimal potential. The child will not be able to absorb the lessons properly as they are tired and hungry. In addition, the child will usually be irritated and cry faster over things that would not irritate them when they are well rested and well-fed. Being cranky and irritated or crying in school causes other children to tease them, as classmates may not understand the irrational behavior. If your child is chronically tired, they suffer a lot. It may come in the form of falling behind in school work or homework, and as a result being punished by the teacher or failing in social skills as their brain is too tired to think of proper ways to communicate their needs and wants in an acceptable way.
Oftentimes, tired children use their hand to get their way rather than their words. When a child hits classmates or neighbors, they become known as a bully and are disliked by other children. In reality, when this same child is well-rested and well-fed, they usually behave very well.
When your child is kvetching, crying or misbehaving, it is usually one of two things, they are either hungry or tired. Ask yourself when and what has this child eaten? When did this child go to sleep the last few days?
Have healthy snacks available. Rolls are a very convenient, filling, healthy and a low cost snack. Have rolls available in your freezer (it can be store bought), warm them up for a few minutes so they are fresh and appetizing. Kids eat what they see and what they have easy access to. Cut up fruit or vegetables and leave them on the table, hungry kids will gravitate towards them.
Take the time to prepare healthy food. Your crock pot / slow cooker can be your best friend, you can put supper in the night before or before you go to work, and have delicious supper ready at dinner time. You can cook big pots of soup and freeze them, or cook one day enough for two days and keep it in the refrigerator.
Parents have demanding schedules and juggle tasks all day long. Dinner and bedtime routine often becomes just another task on our never-ending to-do list. However, feeding your children healthy, filling food and an early bedtime will make them calm and pleasant to be around.
Well-rested children are a pleasure to parent. A tired child on the other hand is the most difficult and uncooperative child to deal with.
When a person is tired, they have a hard time using logic or reason. The brain is functioning at its lowest. They have a hard time with self-control and with dealing with those around them, they usually lash out at others or cry very fast or for no reason at all.
Your child’s bedtime routine can be a wonderful opportunity for a nightly connection and bonding. This small, daily window of time can help you enjoy parenthood and lay the foundation for a close, lifelong relationship. You must prepare your child for sleep every night, one way or another. Do you prefer it to be calm and nurturing, or rushed and stressful? You have the choice to set the pace for your evenings, so why not choose an enjoyable routine?
We sometimes hear parents complain about their children being terrible at home and especially aggressive towards their mother, but at the same time they are very well-behaved when they are away from home. If this is the case with your child, you need to examine your parenting style. Are you too soft? Leaving your child to feel like they have to fend for themselves and make decisions on their own?
Children do not do well with too much freedom, Hashem created the world so that adults make decisions and children follow them. The same way that Hashem made the rules, and we are obligated to follow them.
When we follow Hashem with love, we are blessed with feeling happy and content, regardless of outside circumstances. So too with children when they have proper bedtime and proper eating time, they do much better mentally and emotionally, they feel safe in such an environment despite any outside circumstances that may surround them.
Children feel safe in routine when adults take all the responsibilities for their well-being and big decisions. Children enjoy using their decision-making skills to decide what toys to play etc.
