In high-school, we had a teacher who was an amazing role model of what is means to be a happy Jewish woman.
I was very honored when she asked me to be her mother’s helper. I knew that I learned a lot from her actions and behavior in school, and I was excited to learn a lot more when watching her with her family at home.
This woman was a teacher, wife, and mother to more than 14 children KIH. Her children are happy, upbeat and positive kids. Some of her married children are in the chinuch field and very sought after for chinuch questions.
How did this mother stay strong, always with a smile and helping so many others while raising a large family who are now carrying her torch and educating the future generation in such a positive way?
I believe it is in large part because of her message: It says in משלי ג יז
דרכיה דרכי נעם וכל נתיבותיה שלום The Torah’s ways are pleasant ways, And all her paths, peaceful.
She would say: “IF JUDAISM IS HARD THEN IT IS NOT HASHEM JUDAISM.” Hashem’s Torah and Mitzvahs are sweet, if the Torah laws feel difficult for you than you are not following the Hashem’s Torah.”
One day on the way to a school trip, while most teachers were relaxing and chatting with each other, this woman used her precious time to speak to all of us, not only to her own class, she answered many questions and educated us outside the classroom environment the lessons taught on that bus seemed to leave great impact on all the girls.
One morning, when I arrived at my teacher’s home, I found her sitting and eating a healthy cooked breakfast. She must have seen the surprise on my face, as I was used to hearing from mothers that they are too busy to take time to eat.
My teacher lovingly explained that she has many things to do, but her priority is to give her children a healthy, happy and calm mother, and the only way to do so the Torah way is to take the time to eat healthy meals. The Torah teaches us that breakfast is a very important meal, therefore we should wash for bread at breakfast.
This mother understood the importance of following and giving over the Torah with a happiness and sweetness the way Hashem commended us.
Pirkei Avos – Chapter 1 Mishna 3 it states “Don’t be like a servant who serves his master for reward.”
Too many people nowadays are trying to push Judaism to their children or in kiruv by explaining the benefits and rewards one gets by doing the mitzvas. This is not the Torah way. We must follow the Torah because Hashem is our king our father, and He commanded us to do them.
When you tell people to keep mitzvahs for the reward, then once they don’t see the reward coming or they don’t need the reward promised, they drop it all.
When it comes to the mitzvah of Shluach Haken דברים כב ו sending the mother bird away before taking her children or eggs, the Torah warns משנה ברכות ה ג and Meseches Megilah Chapeter 4 mishna 9
הָאוֹמֵר עַל קַן צִפּוֹר יַגִּיעוּ רַחֲמֶיךָ, וְעַל טוֹב יִזָּכֵר שְׁמֶךָ, מוֹדִים מוֹדִים, מְשַׁתְּקִין אוֹתוֹ
One who says Just as your mercy is extended to a bird’s nest, so to extend your mercy to us, we silence him.
The Gemurah explains ברכות לג עמוד ב
If a person says Hashem gave us this command because Hashem “has mercy” for the mother bird, such a person should ordered to be quiet. This is because the Torah has nothing to do with feelings or our understanding of a mitzvah. It is all about us following Hashem’s commandments.
גְּמָ׳ בִּשְׁלָמָא, ״מוֹדִים, מוֹדִים״ מְשַׁתְּקִין אוֹתוֹ — מִשּׁוּם דְּמֶיחְזֵי כִּשְׁתֵּי רָשׁוּיוֹת. וְ״עַל טוֹב יִזָּכֵר שְׁמֶךָ״ נָמֵי, מַשְׁמַע עַל הַטּוֹבָה וְלֹא עַל הָרָעָה, וּתְנַן: חַיָּיב אָדָם לְבָרֵךְ עַל הָרָעָה כְּשֵׁם שֶׁמְּבָרֵךְ עַל הַטּוֹבָה. אֶלָּא ״עַל קַן צִפּוֹר יַגִּיעוּ רַחֲמֶיךָ״ מַאי טַעְמָא?
GEMARA: Our mishna cited three instances where the communal prayer leader is silenced. The Gemara clarifies: Granted, they silence one who repeats: We give thanks, we give thanks, as it appears like he is acknowledging and praying to two authorities. And granted that they also silence one who says: May Your name be mentioned with the good, as clearly he is thanking God only for the good and not for the bad, and we learned in a mishna: One is required to bless God for the bad just as he blesses Him for the good. However, in the case of one who recites: Just as Your mercy is extended to a bird’s nest, why do they silence him?
יח
פְּלִיגִי בַּהּ תְּרֵי אָמוֹרָאֵי בְּמַעְרְבָא, רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר אָבִין וְרַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר זְבִידָא: חַד אָמַר: מִפְּנֵי שֶׁמֵּטִיל קִנְאָה בְּמַעֲשֵׂה בְּרֵאשִׁית. וְחַד אָמַר: מִפְּנֵי שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה מִדּוֹתָיו שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא רַחֲמִים, וְאֵינָן אֶלָּא גְּזֵרוֹת.
Two amora’im in Eretz Yisrael disputed this question; Rabbi Yosei bar Avin and Rabbi Yosei bar Zevida; one said that this was because he engenders jealousy among God’s creations, as it appears as though he is protesting the fact that the Lord favored one creature over all others. And one said that this was because he transforms the attributes of the Holy One, Blessed be He, into expressions of mercy, when they are nothing but decrees of the King that must be fulfilled without inquiring into the reasons behind them.
Once we start using our feeling, logic or reasoning as to why we should love to do a mitzvah and what benefits we have by doing them, rather than doing so because Hashem said so and we focus and on the sweetness of the Mitzvas, then Torah is forgotten and the next generation wants no part of it.
Example: We became a nation obsessed with food, and very specific foods, which has nothing to do with the Torah.
For Shabbos families have weekly menus that consist of the same few foods. On Yomim Tovim families eat the specific traditional food passed down to them from their parents and grandparents. So much so that it became a must-have “tradition” that they would not dear skip that food. (One woman expressed herself, by saying that in her family recipe for one specific food was passed down to them from Har Sinai. After her mother’s passing, when her father remarried, this young woman was angry with her stepmother for not making this specific food for the holiday meal. However, her stepmother made another dish which was “passed down” in her own family.)
If you look into the Torah, Hashem commanded that we rest on Shabbos, make kiddish, wash for challah and eat the food “you like” and sing joyful song.
When we create too many of our own rules and traditions around food, it becomes routine instead of a way of serving Hashem.
Ironically, if you listen to interviews by adults who are “off the derech,” after leaving the fold, they have no problem desecrating the Shabbos, but they make sure to eat the “traditional Shabbos food” which they ate for so many years at their parent’s home.
They became “feeling Jews” and they “feel” connected to their past by eating the food, but they have no connection to Hashem or Judaism. That likely came about because their parents made family time and food the center of the Shabbos instead of making the joy of serving Hashem the center of Shabbos.
The Torah teaches us in שמות פרק לא פסוק יז:
בֵּינִ֗י וּבֵין֙ בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל א֥וֹת הִ֖וא לְעֹלָ֑ם כִּי-שֵׁ֣שֶׁת יָמִ֗ים עָשָׂ֤ה יְהוָה֙ אֶת-הַשָּׁמַ֣יִם וְאֶת-הָאָ֔רֶץ וּבַיּוֹם֙ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֔י שָׁבַ֖ת וַיִּנָּפַֽשׁ
It shall be a sign for all time between Me and the people of Israel. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day He ceased from work and was refreshed.
On a late Friday night, instead of leaving everyone hungry and cranky, you can serve dinner at the regular time during the day and once Shabbos comes in make kiddish, wash and then have fun with dessert. Does your family like chocolate? Buy different kinds of chocolate and have a family taste test, discuss the growing process and benefits of chocolate which Hashem created.
When the question of “why we keep Shabbos” was posed to several well established kiruv workers and Jewish Families, many replied with feelings rather than Torah: “so we can disconnect from technology and spend time with family.”
What happens if a person spends time with family on Tuesday and did not touch a phone or computer on that day, can they skip Shabbos as they have already done their duty of “spending time with family and disconnecting from technology?” Of course not.
What happens to a person that does not have family around, can they call or be on zoom with their family during the Shabbas meal so that they can be connected with family? If someone finds it hard to disconnect or technology brings them joy, can they use it on Shabbos? Of course not!
The only reason for a Torah Jew to keep Shabbos and these specific rules is because Hashem commanded us to do so and He gave us a set of rules we must follow with joy.
The Torah is not about a give and take, such as I do this mitzvah “for Hashem” and in return He has to do something for me. People with the attitude eventually leave Judaism, even if they practice the laws on the outside, they lose the commitment and behind closed doors they are not real Torah Jews committed to Hashem.
