Close your eyes for a moment and think. If there are two things you can change in life, what would these be?
Very likely, your picks are two things that are not in your control, and you have no way of changing them. Most of the time, these changes involve another person.
The biggest success in life comes when you realize that you cannot change another person, you can only change yourself, your environment and your situation.
This goes for any person in any situation, your spouse, children, parents, friends, boss, co-workers etc.
Remembering that you cannot change another person, will allow you to change yourself in a way that works in your favor or is at least you can make the best of it.
If you are married to a person who is very different from you, don’t try to change them, you can’t. Just change your expectations and demands, otherwise, you will be miserable.
Don’t be afraid to turn away a friend or turn down a business deal, a client etc. if you know that you are very different in nature, and you feel that you will not be able to work well together. The stress from such dealings can cause more emotional, mental and monetary harm than good.
Hashem created the world with people who have different natures and thought processes in order for the world to thrive.
There needs to be people who are leaders and those who are followers. We cannot have a world where everyone wants to be a business owner and no one wants to be an employee. There is a place and job in the world for everyone, no matter how unique you are.
Just like we understand that people look different and have different taste buds, so too our minds are very different. Everyone was created with a different thought process and a different way we see things around us and in the world in general.
ברכות דף נח: “שאין דעתם דומה זה לזה, ואין פרצופיהם דומים זה לזה” ובתוספתא ברכות פרק ו “כשם שאין פרצופיהן שווים כך אין דעתם שווה
Imagine if everyone would be the same and wanted the same thing. Hashem created the world the way He decided was good. We have to work with what we got. You have to figure out who you are and surround yourselves with positive people who are similar to you. Those who have the same view, outlook and mindset of the world as you do.
We have many friends from different backgrounds. The one thing we all have in common is that we all have the same outlook in life. We are not materialistic people by nature. We attract like-minded people who value a very simple stress-free life together with a relationship with Hashem and with others over a life with material stuff.
If you encounter a person who is irritating you, stop and think about your emotions. Realize that you cannot change that person no matter how many times or ways you explain yourself to them. That person’s mind may not even have the ability to comprehend what you are saying to them. They have a very different brain and mindset or thought process, very different from yours.
Save yourself time and headache by trying to figure out what is causing you the discomfort and see how you can change yourself, your actions and reaction.
Thank Hashem for the amazing, quick and positive brain he gave you. Don’t try to change others who think differently than you.
Remember, knowledge brings stress. A baby who cannot think does not have stress. The smarter you are, the more knowledge you have. More knowledge brings even more questions. The Torah has all the answers you are looking for. If you don’t have the answer, it does not mean that there is no answer, it just means that you did not yet learn enough to have found the answer. Keep learning Torah and ask Hashem to guide you to the answers.
